Depression is biting at me at the moment

So my depression is trying to come on very hard at the moment. I have not said anyhting to Ste as he has enough to deal with and do not want to worry and burden him with it when he needs to relax and keep as low stress and worry as possible.

Over the past few years Ste has gone thorugh so much and just when you think for once he is doing okay, well as okay as he can be with everything, with a fully replaced aorta and mechanical valve etc etc.

With him being in hospital the other night wedneday (overnight stay), when I got home I was shattered , worries, feeling poop myself and drianed and hungry. It was a long day. We had been there monday most the day only to be sent home too. Anyway, I think everything has caught up with me again and I just had all the memories of the horror he went through in 2010 and 2011. I would not wish that on my worst enemy. He has just been through enough and he is such a great , kindest guy and just a genuingly good person I have had the pleasure to know and meet. I feel helpless and paniced and got upset, Dougal sensed this I am sure and he was so loving and comforting and he stayed with me even more, even at night, normally he tootles off into his bedroom and he chills there and he has the day in here with me. Tat night as soon as I started crying he gently slowly hopped over to me, jumped on his box and tripple kissed my nose and then stood on it chewing it with his bum in my chest and then he was watching everything I did, following me, I went the tolet and he was sat on Dougal brudge waiting, he was peeking round thw corner when I wnet downstairs, it is like he was making sure I was okay. He also saw that hudad was not here too. It cheered me up and it amazing how animlas do that to you.

But today and the past few days, especually today Diugal is off too, I have put an update on the post I made if you want to see. I am just feeling the deprssion a lot and want to cry. I was bad a couple of years ago when ste was going through the first op ( well 3rd in life but 1st of the major more recent ones) and I just startred crying 1 day, ste was here out of hospital but he was not right really, I could not stop and did not know why I was crying, buy it was not just crying it was sobbing and really bad and I could not pin point why. It was horrible, I have never been that bad since and if I do start to feel it I have my ways but at the moment it is coming to bite me in the butt and I am trying to shake it.

Can I have some advice and hugs and some cheery storied, about anyting, your buns, your days anythin please. SOrry to vent on here, I do not want to worry anyone else and I know you guys are good at listening and helping.

You have masses to deal with in your life. Have you ever seen the doctor about having some counselling? Just someone completely neutral to go and talk to and be able to say *anything* you want without worrying that you are burdening family or friends with it? Or is there a support group for carers you could get to? I really do feel that being able to speak out loud about what worries you would help it be less worrying. Also, when there is one big, scary, horrible thing going on in our lives, the other little difficulties sometimes seem much bigger than they really are. A good counsellor would help you to develop strategies for dealing with things and deciding which ones you are just not going to worry about for now.

Thanks Amanda,

I am feeling better today about it, just have my bad days and my parents are usually pretty good to talk to about anyting. They can tell with me when I am feeling it, I just do not want to seem a pain. I spent the day there today and with my baby Sam soit has helped a lot. They do not live for and could get to Ste easily if he needed me.

Our doctorsa are **** and I refused tablets as I do not want the effects and stuff that can come with them. I might look inot that if I feel it gets really bad though, it is a very good idea. I am not suicidle though when feel down so that is good, my depression is feelinf well low and really down sometimes and I have things I can do to help me and ways of delsng with it but it it gets worse or so bad I will see what kind of groups are available if needed. Luckily I have a good family so it helps a lot. I just do not like to worry Ste but he is not stupid he knows anyway and he has seen me in my bad state before when I could not sotp crying.

Thanks for the tips, fer now I feel I can get a grip on it and tbh sometimes just coming on here and chatitng helps too.

   

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way hunni - I think depression is widely mis-understood, it was only when I watched my best friend go through it that I could really comprehend how awful it is.

Don't be afraid to push for help If you need it - don't let the docs fob you off either.

You have so much to deal with at the moment - so I'm sending you a massive hug and all my love xxxx

You have so much stress in your life at the moment that you just don't deserve. I really hope that you can find some way to help... whether it be support groups, talking to family/friends or coming on here and having a good old vent. We're always here to listen.

I am sending loads and loads and loads of hugs and vibes your way

Sending support vibes      

I know what you are going through as I am on medication for depression also love and somedays you just don't want to get out of bed you feel so low.

I am sending all the love I possibly can and remember that we are all here for you hun. I am glad you felt better yesterday, I hope you are OK today too.

Hugs

JO xx

Thanks so much guys, it does hlep coming on here too and I am lucky to have a great family and hubby. I am very worried about Ste has he is not right at all, he is drained and feels unwell and he looks well pale and he is still getting the bad starnge feeling in his heart and lungs. I hope we get some answers soon.

I will make sure I ask and get help when needed do not worry.

Sorry to hear that Jo hun, I had no idea, I wont take the meds, decided after long concideration when was offered them a few years ago not to, my younger brother suffers from it too but he never told me until my diagnosis came. i always knew there was something as things make me feel down a lot more than they should, things affect me a lot more and I get very emotianal, always have. It felt better to know that it was not just me and it was something affecting me and it was that, I do not want to have depresison but knowing made it easier to cope in a sense. I know that sounds daft but it just does. My brother has ways of delaing with his too and he does not take the meds he got offerered, but if they work for you I am glad you are taking them, everyone is different, I know what you mean hun. I think that is why I amill and drained a lot tbh. Obviouslt with all this with Ste it brought it on rapidly. I also have taca cardia as I always got some strange flutters in my chest and felt awful, it is not a nice feeling and scary and had it for the past 8 years or so and with ste knowing a lot about my heart and once he was done with the ops etc etc I finally listened to him and told my doctor again, i had told him beofre but they are **** doctors these days , but Ste went with me and asked me to be reffered to a cardiologist and he did a lot of tests. It rurns out it is tace cardia which is basically your heart has 2 natural pacemakers and my hearts pacemakers reset too fast so you can feel it like shake in your chest or like water is being pumped aroud it and then I feel sick and tired. Knowing what it is does not worry me as much and make me freak out. Sugar and booze are the worse thing that sets mine off. I also get like allergy symptoms with it when have those in combo. I do not dirnk much anyway and only a couple of times a year, I have never been a big drinker. It puts me off even more with that.

I am not suicidle though, sorry, i do not mean to blert that out but my depression never sends me to want to self harm etc, it is more emoitional.

I hope you are okay Jo and hugs for when you have your bad days     

Animals are great for depresison though arnt they, My Sam cheers me up every time I see him run to me and wag his tail, I call him therapy dog, he is my baby boy, almsot 16 years old but he iy my baby. Gimli although only a small dwarf hamster always made me smile and laught too, he was ace, and I am sure he thought he wasa hoomin or dog    . And of course my sweet baby Dougal. I truley beleive they are the best medicine along with good family.

I'm sorry you are feeling a bit down, I've suffered with depression since my 20's I have Clinical depression and it's a bit like a grey cloud hovering from time to time over me. I've had everything from anti-depressants to being in a day hospital and I found counselling helped me the best.

Hope you will soon be feeling better        

Sorry to hear that maysie. i feel fro you hun.

That's great that you found somethiing that works.

Thanks HUn.

     

BugsBunny wrote:Sorry to hear that maysie. i feel fro you hun.

That's great that you found somethiing that works.

Thanks HUn.

     

I'm always here if you get bad days and want to talk to someone
rabbits, horses and depression I know lots about  

not much else though