A Prison Diary by prisoner no F33DM3

oh sparky,
we love you and especially your antics..

icedancer wrote:It's a good job I wasn't looking after you Sparky, I wouldn't have fed you and just let you escape

If you had let me escape and left the nom cupboard open, I'd have been just fine

FudgesMummy wrote:

Sparky wrote:

FudgesMummy wrote:Prisoner F33DM3 is prisoner Feed Me in code

Auntie Kelly understands me perfectly

Should I worry about that one Sparky???

It's nice that someone understands me

icedancer wrote:

And Sparky, just think of the fun Humum and Hudad were having on their holiday!! Where did they go to?

Fwerta.... Furta.... Ferter.... one of the Canary Islands

Day 3 - Tuesday 28th Feb

6 – 11am
Breakfast, exercise and nap. Prison is tedious. Although I like the food. And the naps.

1.41pm
I have spent a couple of hours digging in my pink house. I’ve succeeded in removing a whole layer of floor already. I have also managed to take the cushion to pieces. I don’t understand how the contents of the cushion have expanded to ten times the original volume. Fortunately, the humans have provided me with a tunnel in which to hide the debris. Unfortunately the cushion has completely failed to reveal any hidden files, keys or grappling hooks. Still, I have high hopes for this project.

2.27pm
I’m going to try to gnaw a sharp point on a willow stick. It might come in useful.

2.45pm
I got carried away. I have eaten the willow stick

5pm
Tea. I am on best ‘sweet and innocent’ behaviour for the warders. No repeat of last night’s trauma. One of them had the cheek to give me a nose-rub. I felt obliged to nudge for another one, as part of my sweet and innocent persona.

9.43pm
Nothing new to report. I intended to spend the evening hard in thought about my escape strategy. I fell asleep

10pm
Bedtime treat. A Fenugreek Crunchie. I‘m certain they are drugging them.

OMG the willow stick bit made me laugh!!!

Day 4 - Wednesday 29th Feb

8.28am
A breakthrough! I have discovered a gap at the back of my hutch. It’s only a very small gap and I can’t quite fit into it yet. I either need to move the hutch or forgo some food in order to slim down a little.

9.28am
Trying to move the hutch

10.28am
Trying to move the hutch

11.17am
Doooooon’t make meeeee diet!

11.28am
3 hours of effort and the hutch has moved half a paws-width

12.30pm
Lunch – hay again.

1.03pm
Either I ate too much lunch or the hutch has moved itself back

1.04pm
ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz

5pm.
Tea – pellets, veg and dried herbs. I am suspicious. I eat it all anyway.

7pm
ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz (well, I had a strenuous morning!)

10pm
Bedtime treat. A Fenugreek Crunchie. I refuse to eat their drug-riddled poisonous ‘treat’.

10.03pm
I eye the Fenugreek Crunchie.

10.07pm
I sniff the Fenugreek Crunchie.

10.09pm
I eat the Fenugreek Crunchie

10.15pm
Lights out

Sparky,

Again Hubby has to come see why I am laughing so hard I cannot catch my breath. You should have a column in Rabbits USA Magazine. It's OK if you are a British Bunny. Most Americans are suckers for a British accent. You'd have the boy bunnies lined up all across the Atlantic.

~holly~

Oh my god Im laughing so much! This is hilarious!

Poor Sparky!

You've not got much will power have you, Sparky

Absolutely brilliant, bless your little cotton socks Sparky.

Hugs

JO xx

Too funny

We need the next installment!!!

Day 5 - Thursday 1st March

9.41am
Sleep must be slimming. I can almost fit behind the hutch.

11.12am
I decide not too move the hutch too far in one go in case the warders notice. I’m sure they can move it back far more easily than I moved it away. Even if it does not help me escape, at least I’ll end up with a different view.

1.33pm
I decided to survey the area from the roof of my pink house. I got up, had a look around and fell asleep. It could have been disastrous – I nearly missed lunch!

6.55pm
We’ve just been through a repeat of the whole box / vehicle / bright lights / injection episode. When are they going to learn that I am not going to talk? When I am going to learn not to be so much of a sucker for a cuddle?

9.28pm
I’ve done it! I have moved the hutch enough to fit behind it! Can’t move once I am in there, mind….

9.53pm
I almost got caught. The sneaky warders came early with my bedtime treat. I pretended that I had been merely sleeping below the hutch. They fell for it. They seem to be under the impression that I sleep a lot

More! More! More!

I love this!

more more more!!

Day 6 – Friday 2nd March

8.33am
I’ve finally managed to move the hutch enough to fit behind it and move a bit. And guess what… I can see a hole in the wall, a little higher up! I just need to squeeze up there a bit to see where it goes…

9.47am
That was worrying. Before I squeeze up there again, I am going to be sure I can get back down. But from what I can see, there’s a bit of a wooden shelf thing with some magazines or something on it, and a gap at the top. I might be able to get through the gap. Or I might just get stuck fast….

1.12pm
It occurs to me that this might be a bit too obvious an escape route. Maybe I am being set up. Maybe it is booby-trapped or rigged to an alarm. I need to investigate further. I need a mirror on a stick to be able to see inside the hole.

1.17pm
I don’t have a mirror.

1.21pm
Or a stick.

2.08pm
I decide to boost Little Bun up through the gap. He’ll be able to tell me what is through there. And if it turns out to be dangerous, well he was never my favourite stuffed companion

2.52pm
Little Bun put up a bit of a fight. Well, not so much of a fight as a laying there doing nothing. It made it awkward to get him under the hutch, up behind it and through the hole in the wall. I managed in the end, but I have not heard a peep out of him since.

3.07pm
I wonder if there is a tiger behind the wall. What noise do tigers make?

3.11pm
Crunch, crunch probably.

3.22pm
Still no word from Little Bun.

4.53pm
Just remembered Little Bun can’t talk.

4.55pm
I’ll have to have another think. After tea and a sleep though.

9.57pm
I manage to crack one eye open and nom my bedtime snack. It’s been an exhausting day.

Me thinks you should self-publish the entire account and put it on Amazon. Perhaps help your hu-parents with your vet bills. And maybe a purplish bow for you.

~holly~